you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
