Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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