I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
