"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just invented taco cereal.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
