Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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