Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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