you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
