You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
