After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
