Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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