tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
