She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
