I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
