i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
