Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
