I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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