please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I AM VODKA MAN
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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