is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
