Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
