just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
