these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
