I'm so fucking centered right now
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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