My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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