i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
