And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
