How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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