You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
