Where is the hickey?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
