My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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