Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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