i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
