Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
