Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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