She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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