Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize