So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
