Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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