I'm eating all of the evidence.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
