Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
