I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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