you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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