We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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