he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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