Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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