Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
me + whiskey = a bad person
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
