I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
