p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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