i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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