I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
