the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
