Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
