I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
