I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
