He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
