so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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