Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
