Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
