I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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