Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
