I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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