Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
