I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
