Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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