So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
