When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
