The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
