Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
3 2 1 whiskey
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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