It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
