we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
