Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
