i jhust puked up my retainher.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
