My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
