I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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