We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
